00:00 All right, sir. It's your lucky day.

00:02 Yep, just follow us this way and you'll

00:03 be free to go, all right? Oh, no thanks.

00:06 I'm I'm good over here.

00:08 What? Yeah, I've been thinking about it

00:09 a lot and I think I'm just going to live

00:10 here now, so. What? But, you already

00:12 served your entire sentence. You legally

00:14 can't stay here. Okay, then I'll just

00:16 stab somebody on the way out then.

00:17 That'll give me 25 to life, right? Uh,

00:19 yeah, that'd probably do it. Dude, okay,

00:20 this is ridiculous. Why in the hell

00:21 would you want to serve a life sentence

00:23 anyways? Uh, you're asking me why I

00:24 would want three meals a day,

00:26 rent-controlled housing, free health

00:27 care, free gym membership, no need to

00:30 buy gas ever, and utilities included?

00:33 Great question, dude. I wonder what the

00:34 answer is. You guys want to know what

00:35 real prison is? Working three separate

00:37 jobs and still missing rent. Okay, but

00:39 you'll still have to work a job when

00:40 you're here, too, though. Yeah, but

00:41 while I'm here, my wife can't use my

00:43 credit card at Sephora. Oh, yeah, good

00:45 point. Okay, but sir, think about your

00:46 family. You still have a wife and three

00:48 kids to go home to, don't you? Oh, you

00:49 mean reasons I can't afford to live

00:51 numbers five through eight?

00:53 Nah, I think I'm good here, boss.

00:54 You guys want to know why I'm here in

00:55 the first place? Armed robbery cuz I

00:57 couldn't afford groceries. You want to

00:59 know what I'm going to do the second I

01:00 get out of here? Armed robbery cuz I

01:02 can't afford groceries. So, you're

01:03 immediately going to commit the same

01:04 crime you just got released from prison

01:06 for committing? Oh, yeah. I mean, I

01:08 might change up the venues, but yeah,

01:09 same crime, same time. Okay, that's it.

01:11 All you're doing is wasting more

01:12 people's tax dollars. Now, get up. I

01:13 won't ask you again. Hey, what's going

01:15 on over here? Oh, you're a warden. So,

01:16 this guy just completed his sentence,

01:18 but he doesn't want to leave his cell.

01:19 Oh, is that so?

01:22 Yeah, I don't blame you. Wait, what? I

01:23 wish I didn't have to go home, either.

01:25 There's no greater prison than working

01:26 three separate jobs and still missing

01:28 rent. Right? Wait, doesn't he make more

01:30 than we do? Yeah, but he's paying child

01:31 support to like nine different people.

01:32 Okay, but sir, isn't it still against

01:34 the law to leave him here after a

01:35 sentence? Well, John, sure hope it is.

01:38 And why is that? So, that way I can get

01:39 charged for letting him do it. Hey, man,

01:41 move aside. I'll be your cellmate. My

01:42 wife's taking the kids, so I have

01:43 nothing else left, anyways. Hey, what

01:44 book are you reading, by the way? Is

01:45 that the fifth Harry Potter book?

01:52 >> [music]

02:02 >> Hey.